iddod

“if there's someone left behind who cares, it makes the life more meaningful, terrible for those left behind, but i think it's important.
But then perhaps if you have just one person who cares, you’re able to go on living, you're not so quick to throw your life away"

i'm lost and confused and in need of attention...
i'm holding my breath for sublime intervention...
…you're holding on when you should have let go
…it's holding you back and it's making you low
i'm cast out and mouldy and cracking with age...
i'm breaking my spine with each turn of the page...
…you're wounded and weak but you'll dust yourself down
…it's easy to grin with the smile of a clown
i'm tied down and restless, unable to roam...
I stare at the wall and I wanna go home...
…you're strung out and wired and needing to sleep
…it's time to have faith, do you dare make the leap
i'm left to myself and that's never alright...
i'm scared that you'll hear when i cry in the night...
…you're safe and protected and sheltered from harm
…(it's only placebo but works like a charm)

I’m crippled with guilt	grounded by blame	numbed by the dread	by the terror and pain
I’m searching for truth	tell me what’s it about?	I desperately look	for another way out
so I’ll wait in the wings	soon it’s my turn	the fire inside	the dread of the burn
too late to turn back	too late for the flight	the curtains pull back	I walk on stage right
no more co-existence	no hand to hold	dripping with sweat	feeling so cold
think of each word	in the songs that I sent her	through the facade	to the truth at their centre
I’m finding my peace	in my own self deliverance	my solo commitment	no need for assistance
no pity, no scorn	no more self derision	I know my own mind	so I’ve made my decision

to exit…

“And that was it, that was what I viddied quite clear was the thing to do, but how to do it I did not properly know, never having thought of that before, O my brothers...
What I wanted was not something violent but something that would make me like just go off gentle to sleep and that be the end of Your Humble Narrator, no more trouble to anybody any more..."

i'm tired and resigned and grey with decay...
i'm spending my best years in wild disarray...
…you're young for your age so don't be absurd
…it's better to lead than to follow the herd
i'm holding myself and I’m feeling compunction...
i'm conscious i'm failing with minor dysfunction...
…you're falling not failing so hold yourself straight
…it's only a phase, use it to create
i'm risking my life just by writing this verse...
i'm baring my all and it makes me feel worse...
…you're getting it out and that's better than in
…it's a means to an end and somewhere to begin
i'm worn and i'm wasted and miss medication...
i'm wicked and cruel and beyond your salvation...
…you're making it hard yes but there’s always hope
…it's my role to de-pole you and help you to cope
…you’re making good progress, i’m glad we could speak
…it’s the end of the session, so call me next week

yet another song that started off on the guitar, i wrote the low ascending picking parts first, then wrote the high descending parts to sit over the top, so the two sections start at opposite ends of the same chords and meet in the middle, like poles meeting at the equator, if you follow my, non continental, drift... ah, so much detail, so little notice... i transferred these to piano parts, added some piano bi-chords along with a piano melody as a third piano part... i used the same two picking parts for the synth guitars (in the final arrangent the synth guitar parts play first and the piano parts come in mid song), then played along on the guitar to write the bassline, i made a point of keeping the bass simple and later on altered the bass slightly to emphasise notes that harmonised with the vocal melodies...

then along came the first draft of the words... my own sections (in blue) were written first, the idea being to then let bagi write a chorus to go after each, but it soon became obvious that a single chorus simply wouldn't work after each of the 8 narrative verses, so we then had the flash of inspiration that the song should be a duet/conversation, with bagi's parts commenting and replying to my parts, as a regular conversation would... i then wrote bagi's lyrics while bagi was recording basic demos of the vocal melody she'd written, so as she was singing one set, i was writing the next...

over the next few days i wrote the middle "voices in my head" section and we had a few sessions of joint editing of the lyrics i'd written, to keep narrative flow, feel and pacing... during the lyric writing i was also tweaking the music, writing the cello parts, the double bass parts, drums, percussion... as well as banging the structure into shape, fiddling, twiddling and other -iddling type words...
a few more vocals demos later and we were happy with the vocals...

and so the mixing and final arranging began, which involved the dropping in of a couple of speech samples, i'd left myself notes over the previous couple of weeks about a few snippets of speech i wanted to use in the song...

the first sample is taken from the Big Finish audio production of Doctor Who and the Pirates, where the Doctor and Evelyn have been telling Sally a pirate story in order to keep her occupied and prevent her from taking her own life, the finding of her suicide note been the action that prompted them to go back and visit Sally in the first place, Sally later repeats part of the phrase to herself after realising what Evelyn and the Doctor have done by showing they cared...

the second section is taken from the audiobook version of Anthony Burgess' Clockwork Orange read by Tom Hollander, in this section Alex is considering his end after being subjected to the aversion therapy which has stripped him of the facility of choosing his own actions, including the ability to be able to listen to his beloved music...

running time of therapi is 8:08.81

bagi used..
--
AKG Perception 200 condenser mic
Behringer Ultragain MIC100
Creative Audigy2
JVC HA-G101
Audition v2

bobbi used..
--
Audition v3
FL-Studio v7
M-Tron cello
M-Tron double bass
Slayer 2 guitar synth
Boobass
FL Keys piano
CAD GXL2400 condenser mic
Behringer Tube Ultragain MiC100
Rane MH4 Stereo Headphone Console
Signex CP44 patchbay
Alesis 3630 Compressor / Limiter / Gate
Alesis Quadraverb Plus
Beyer Dynamic DT100 headphones
Akai DPS16 digital 16 track recording studio

programmed in fl-studio
edited, mixed and mastered in audition

NOTE from bobbi:
the first batch of these comments / reviews were sent to us regarding the original mix of therapi, i was slightly unhappi about that mix and more than a little unsure about the final sound, the comments we received confirmed my own thoughts and gave enough of a nudge for me to spend 4 days solid in remixing, taking each track and starting from scratch with EQ, compression etc and hammering the entire 30+ tracks of the multitrack until i WAS happi with it...
so, the comments regarding the original mix may not be relevent to the mix heard on the player above, but are important to us because they helped prompt a full remix, therefore i've decided to leave them here, if only for our own interest in years to come...
original comments are in red, comments after the remix are in blue

Listeners comments on "therapi"

---

"I love Therapi, there are some really stunning key changes around Bagi's vocals, and you have clearly grown/evolved, Dont mind saying the track gave me goosebumps. I loved the "voice" lying somewhere in the ether, explaining how he just wanted to be out of it, and to be no further trouble to anyone, that was beautifully mixed mate. And I would have to say, you are like a trancendental trip back to the 80's, but with out all that shit of having to be 18 at the time . Good work mate. Love yah" - Pete Sapwell
"I swear mate, I am covered in goosebumps.... Its beautiful... and that aint a word I use lightly...." - Pete Sapwell

" sat back in chair to listen to get full surround experience from my rig and that was fucking awesome!! got to confess - when you said there would be a 'rap' in the style of PWEI I was kinda sceptic... but it works... it works fucking well!... didn't read lyrics - just had eyes closed... really like the change in B's voice at the end, where she sing's up instead of down... really like the panning on the vox on the 'rap' section as well - especially followed by the plundered quote.. it might not have been intentional but it is kinda like when you are speaking to a 'professional' and as the session draws to a close, they want rid so they feign concern..." - bsg

"The song as a complete piece has a starkness about it that I guess suits the subject matter. The production on the whole reinforces this - the echo on bobbi's vocal and the sorta fade-in thingy at the start of each stanza add to the sense of isolation being expressed in the lyric. I like his vocal melody a lot but don't like the guitar sound at all. I did however like the cello, suits the melancholy feel. The middle "breakdown" section is pretty good and the nicked sample inspired. I like (also a lot) the piano sorta taking over the main riff in the middle section and would have preferred it also to take over from, or at least match, the guitar in the second set of verses, but it fades into the background. bagi's angelic vocal is pretty much smothered in the FX quagmire. For having such a repetitive, cyclic pattern to it, the song surprisingly didn't seem like it is almost 9 minutes long. The guitar sound has however given me the start of a headache (although the fact it's after 3am and I'm suffering caffeine withdrawal may also be contributing ) And yes, it does still remind me inexplicably of Comfortably Numb." - Billy (Blitzkrieg Bob)
"What can I say? I'm a little gobsmacked at the "revised" version of therapi now up on the site. Firstly, cos I kinda got the impression (from your message) that you weren't going to change it again. Secondly and mostly though, I'm stunned because you've now turned it into the song I heard in my head. Exactly the song! And what's more, it sounds fantastic, to my ears at least. Bloody brilliant mate. There's just one little thing though. Do you think you could remove my comments on the original mix from the site. Out of context (as they are now), they're completely irrelevant and make me appear something of a tit. Cheers" - Billy (Blitzkrieg Bob)
note to Billy from bobbi - your comments were accurate and honest, honesty does not make one look a tit, they were relevent to the mix as it was at the time you heard it and we appreciate what you said... they were perfectly in context at that time and as such they support your later statements about the changes that were made to the song... i never thought i'd say the words, but it looks like your vote does make a difference :-)

"a song that works so beautifully on different levels. I really like the dynamic tension in the lyrics and am very fond on the ending: “ the session is over, so call me next week” could be seen as reassuring – i.e. continuing to talk, making progress etc or being quite sarcastic – i.e. I am saying all these soothing words, but keeping an eye on the time. If there is one thing I am not too sure about, it’s the echo on bobbi’s voice – some of it is great but maybe used slightly less may add more “grounding” of the despair. The depression in the song felt very real – the “rap” part added a good bit of extra tension – nicely off-set against the very softness of the narrator’s words talking about something so very sad... I’ve just finished reading French classic “Madame Bovary” by Flaubert... and Therapi really reminded me of the sentiments in the book – see, you’ve created a classic" - Miriam

" f***king PHENOMENAL song! (excuse my language, but it needed that emphasis!)" - Annie Zalezsak

"i love the track therapi, i identified myself in a lot of the lyrics, great music (love the synth sounds)... and like the duet aspect" - Netty

"WE LOVE THERAPI! FANTASTIC! REALLY BRILLIANT! BOTH REALLY IMPRESSED.. XX" - Mandy & Moz

"Reminds me both of Comfortably Numb and also One Flew over the cuckoos nest (not sure why)...and also kind of morressy" - RebelRoxx (comment left on the youtube page for the video)

"In my mind (for what it's worth) this is a masterpiece, It's completely a product of the artists palette, and what a vista!, Says "hope" and "friendship" and "love" and "faith", "desperation", "LISTEN TO ME"
...Bob, Hippy of the 21st Century. Love & Respect." - Peteisageek (comment left on the youtube page for the video)

"I really like it!!! didn't expect too and had to listen to it twice but I do really really like it! the third time convinced me! lol - Julie Walsh

song copyright iddod 2008
except where stated, all sounds, words and pages are copyright iddod 2008

you lost?

keep going down, deeper, deeper, always deeper

well done, you found your way to the depths of our imagination...

here's a remix as a reward...

turn off the lights, turn up the sounds and hide behind the sofa...

"I love the creepy, freaky remix too. Excellent work. Really dark and claustrophobic sounding. Well done on both of them" - Billy (Blitzkrieg Bob)